Why is life so complicated?

The fall was devastating. As life goes on and the faults of human nature become more evident to me, I realize how big of a deal the fall was.

I cannot imagine what life would have been like if man had not sinned against God. We would all be perfect, we would not toil the land, we would not have all of the adverse emotional conditions that sin brought to us. We would still be in the garden enjoying what we were created for, fellowship with God.

But as man became more corrupt, life has become harder and harder. Some would say that life 100 years ago was much harder than it is now. Perhaps physically one could say that. Technology has spoiled the human race all together. Life in hard times was painful, but hapiness came much easier I think. Now hapiness come with to high a price.

Doc the other day had a sermon on being lonely. He was talking about finding hapiness in God because Faith in His will was all that was needed. Relationships with man or woman is not as neccesary for hapiness as the relationship with God. I realize that more now than ever.

At some point in anyones life, there will come a time when it seems as though no man on earth is there for you when you need it. The only person who will never fail you is God. When I am lonely and I have no one to turn to, God is till there waiting. The earthly desires that are sinful in God's eyes dont even give a temporary relief.

So in understanding that God is here with me, and that in my low points, He still has by future planned for me in His best interests, why am I longing for more? Why in my humanity can I not be happy in Him alone?

I sound in this writting like I'm falling apart. I'm not. I just feel like I'm working so hard to uphold my commitments to man without any return on my toil, both from man and from God. So what am I looking for? More money? Love? Recognition? Material items? I dont know.

i have felt the peace of God many times in my life at critical points when I needed it most. I fell right now that I am once again at one of those cross roads, waiting for the next step, desiring more. I pray that I am not searching for this for me, but for Him. Do I already have it and I just cannot see it? If that is the case why am I not happy? Why am I searching for more?

According to the Bible, i have everything that i need for hapiness. I have eternal salvation, and a God that is with me every day even when in my humanity I sin against him. Society tells me that I dont have much; a home, an education, a job, food on most days, and more convenience than 80% of the world, and a ton of debt.If one would compare me to the american dream, I have it. I even have influence in my work, and an opportunity to mentor people, but yet I need the mentorship. I need the encouragement. Do I have a low self esteem? i dont know. Many would say I have leadership, but do all leaders have a high self esteem?

Adults tell adolescents to enjoy the time in their life where they dont have the stress of adulthoofd upon them. Every adolescent refuses to listen to adults. I would love to return to the times i had in early high school. College is supposed to be the best years of your life. For me I fought for it.

God grant me the peace in you that I'm searching for. Guide my steps and calm my heart. Do not allow me to desire the things of this earth, allow me instead to invest my time here on earth for you. Time will not heal the wounds of humanity on my life, only You can. i need more of you and less of this earth.